One Day at a Time

Why do I spend my time thinking about the future? Why do I sabbotage my present happiness by overthinking the possibilities of the unknown?

I had an email exchange with P's mother after last weekend's brunch. It was merely a 'have a good trip' email, but it turned into a minor discussion about the future. She reiterated how she and her husband spent 3 years apart before coming together. She said her daughter (also graduating) and I need to go off and spread our wings so that we can lead fulfilling lives.

I'm really, really scared by this reality.

I know she's right. I know I need to get out of my box -- even though it's a beautiful box, filled with wonderful people -- and go experience something else. I haven't even begun applying to graduate schools, but I'm in tears just thinking about getting accepted to the ones that are far away.

I know Toronto isn't far. I would hope that it might become a logical next step for P, but there's part of me that is saddened by the idea that for the rest of our lives our time will be spent mostly apart. In the email, his mother said 'P will be away on film shoots for many months at a time and being away from the people he loves will be a fact of life for him.' I want to be the strong girl who believes everything will fall into place, and if I can just be in the present I won't waste time thinking about 'what might happen if...'

Be here now. Be here now. I need to be here now.