Be Calm and Carry On.

I need patience. I need faith. I'm in a state of needing at the moment. Needing to be reassured, needing to be needed.

P and I talked while we were at the Botanical Gardens. It was not the conversation I was hoping for. It left me unsatisfied and slightly more confused. I'm a little unnerved that I am so set on sticking this through. I feel like i'm entering unhealthy relationship territory. I feel like i'm swimming so hard, just to keep my head afloat.

I sent him an email; an initiation to discussion. Though he doesn't acknowledge it, P is a toug nut to crack. He's got his emotions in check at all times. This is very frustrating for me. Even more frustrating is the feelings I have to carry around vis-a-vis this situation. I'm spending too much time thinking about it, it's absorbing me, like my thoughts were absorbed by Vncnt last year. Very unhealthy. I guess the difference is, I'm really, truly in love with P, so it hurts much more.

I want him to open the door. Or at least, I want him to want to open the door.

They say 'men never change', i'm very discouraged by this statement.

Other than that, I'm too busy with school and work. I don't know how much longer this can go on.