Has it really been almost two months since my last post? Apparently yes.
I'm going to write this one down for me to remember a thing or two:
Time is a precious, precious thing. All the insecurities, doubts, questions I had a few months ago are gone. Why is that? I don't know, but I'm beginning to realize the most important thing anyone could do for themselves is appreciate that every day brings new challenges, and there is as much negative as there is positive in them.
Don't forget friends. I've been feeling like i'm sorely neglecting most of my friendships lately. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I haven't spoken to too many people in the last few months. But I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it (see above), things will fall into place. There's no need to hold anything so tightly you choke it to death.
When something's wrong -- eating right is the best thing ever! I may be able to live without yoga for a couple of weeks, but living without tasty food is not a life.
I feel like there's a bunch of other things I should remember, but right now I'm not feeling anxious enough to want to absolutely think them up and write them down. Calm calm calm -- can never be overrated.
I may be feeling more chipper than usual because I feel like the summer is progressing, like a chapter just ended (ie. an internship), and I have a little break before starting up again.
Things with P are kind of magical right now. Our communication has significantly improved, in subtle ways, but still for me, this feels like we're making strides. The other night after going to an outdoor art thing that turned out kind of lame we ended up on his front steps eating ice cream sandwiches, drinking orange juice from the box and just talking. I don't remember about what, but I remember feeling extremely relaxed (when previously I might've felt tense). I think everything that happened this year has brought us to a good place. I think I made him understand that all I wanted for him was happiness, and I think now I understand that I just need to let things happen. I feel very secure in this relationship right now, even though a few months ago, I didn't so much.
It's also crazy how that security is often just questioned by my own issues -- like my boredom, my stress, my own insecurities. I kind of hate that... but I guess being aware of it is better.
Right now, I can summarize my attitude in this example: it's like seeing that it's pouring rain outside, but thinking "it's okay, I'll get there and change into dry clothes". It's about committing to the ride in the rain. Committing to being okay about it -- cause really, fussing about it isn't really that practical.
I'm up for it.