Magic

Last posted in July? Yikes.

I've been having a hard time being in the present lately. But this one, I really felt it:

:) Love that guy.

everything's gonna be alright

Just another post to remind myself what a good life I have, how incredibly lucky I am, and how I shouldn't take it for granted. I shouldn't let myself get bogged down by fear, I shouldn't let myself hide behind episode after episode of Beverly Hills, 90210. I know i'm just watching them because i'm scared of trying to do what I actually want to do... build websites, build designy things, read about information architecture.

I need to focus on getting rid of this fear..

love

This is another email to remind myself how far I've come from when I started this blog. All the ups and down, which have settled over the last few years.

Today I feel like my love for P and with P is more multi-faceted than ever. It feels richer than before, kind of like how the essence of banana becomes stronger as it matures. Don't you like that analogy? I'm a romantic through and through, isn't it obvious?

But in all seriousness, I've had a couple of moments recently when I thought to myself "a few years ago, this would have been a thing that was hard for me to say, or hard for us to talk about" but now, we've just reached a point of understanding and calmness that is really nice.

I do have occasional lingering fears about "settling into a rut" which, I think is more in my nature than P's, because I just like being comfortable, but I think this awareness is helping me from settling too much. I still have that drive to do fun things, and to put effort into our activities, which is really nice.

Seeing as this is the longest relationship in my whole life, I'm kind of surprised that I still feel such energy after 3 years. I think it's a good sign.

In other news, I'm still struggling with self-worth... but I think it'll be a life long struggle, so here's a reminder to myself.

ADELE: today, remember that you felt SO loved. a deep kind of love. remember that you felt love for someone else. Remember that you are loved. Don't question it. Accept it.

I know I know

I should be writing more. I know. I was so glad the other day that I could just pop back two years and see how I was feeling. Now I don't keep track and I'm not exactly sure why.

I know there was a period when I didn't want to document the less fun things happening in life... but now everything is wonderful... and I can hardly blame it on not having time...

I just wanted to write here today that I'm very excited about seeing P tonight. We saw each other saturday night and sunday all day. I had just returned from a pretty cool visit to the maritimes. Unusually social, but not exhausting, which is always what I worry social gatherings will be.

Anyway, I saw P less than two days ago, and I've been thinking about him since he left monday morning to go to work, and I just want to see him and squeeze him and kiss him and squeeze him some more!!!