Hiatus

It seems not only us amateur bloggers are taking a break from blogs during the holidays. My trusty design blogs have been slowing to a crawl.

I haven't been surfing them much anyway.. not only because the Internet is virtually non-existent at my folks' place, but also because I'm getting a media overdose at my dad's place. TV, Internet, Wii, and whatever other tech-gadget you couldn't possibly need.

On xmas day, I was at my mom's with my step-dad and aunt. We were waiting to make the supper and the power goes out. They live in a small house with a wood stove so heat was not an issue, but the turkey in the oven was. We left it in there to ultra-slow cook and spent our time talking and listening to the radio (which you have to crank to get working). It was really great.

My aunt and I left for civilization a while later since the power was still out. I went to my dad's and became overwhelmed by this sense of awkwardness. I'm having a weird time here.. walking around, feeling like a stranger, like I'm intruding on something.. I'm totally disconnected from them and I feel no attempt to bridge the gap. I'm not extremely bothered by this situation, but I feel like the effects will come out in a few weeks.

Generally, I'm feeling really calm.. 'at peace', if you will. Really happy about my life in montreal and the people I have the privilege to be around.

The New Guy, who will henceforth be known as P, called me the day I was arriving at my mom's place. I was a bit tired so I texted him back asking if I could call him the next day. In his message, he left me his parents' phone number -- I had a mini-dilemma about whether to call his cell, or the parent's place. I called the land-line. I called and said "Es-ce que je peux parler a P SVP?' and the motherly voice answered 'un instant svp' with a heavy English accent. Then I heard her yell 'P. Pp-p! Phone. I think it's Adl, it's a 506 number'. I smiled uncontrollably.

He answered the phone and calmness washed over me. We talked for a while, maybe 15-18 minutes. He said he played hockey and talked about how his holiday is usually spent with his nuclear family. There was maybe one or two silent moments, but they felt ok. I'm the one who ended the conversation (which is somewhat uncommon -- me always so eager to talk and all). I told him I'd call him later to see what his plans are for going back to the city.

On xmas day, I checked my email and to my surprise, there was one from him! He's so good with titles ('Un petit mot doux' and 'Late night letters'). This was sent before we had spoken, so some of it was repetitive, but interesting nonetheless. He finished the email with 'Je pense a ton joli sourire, xox P'

Why is it that all his sweet stuff doesn't gross me out like Sml's sweet stuff did? It's strange.. I feel like with P, I don't have the upper hand even though he is openly expressing his interest and I am a little more slow about it. With Sml, I felt like I had all the power and that made me sort of look down on his openness (whoa.. I just realized how mean that is of me..) and eventually lose interest.

I had a mini-drama in my head the other day when I was thinking of what this thing with P means when we go to school. Do I have to sit with him in class all the time? Spend the break with him? Have lunch with him everyday? What? My initial reaction was: I don't want to sit with him. I don't want anyone to know! I don't want to meet his schoolmates.

Then I thought about how he puts me at ease, and that could be nice at school. Although.. I'm still leaning towards taking it slow at school (but then again.. I said the same thing about sleeping with him and look how that ended up!) I'm worried I will settling into some sort of couple-y behavior and that everything will go to shit after that.

Then again, I feel pretty pumped about school again. I got my grades back, and I got what I deserved in Film Script Analysis (B+). I'm anxious to see my profs comments on my paper. I think she and I will become friends. I'm going to talk to her about graduate school. I'm also going to talk to the head archivist of the Concordia Archives about various archiving programs.

I'm trying to get a head-start. We'll see how this goes. I've got Tarkovsky waiting for me when I get back.

Tall Boots!

(** This is an old post I didn't publish right away)

Still nothing in the grades department. This is particularly irritating.

I'm pretty worried about my Film Script Analysis paper.. I almost feel like saying: "Can you just give me the credits but not a grade..." I don't know if that's possible, but I wish it would be. I know it shouldn't have an effect, but bombing this class has made me think I might not be suited for graduate studies. I had a golden opportunity to do something really cool in her class, and I'm not sure I will have succeeded. It's not a good feeling.

In other news, Vncnt is in the middle of reconsidering his 3 year PhD at Oxford. He's thinking 1.5 years in Lay instead. We had a long gchat conversation about our current situation, and it turns out, he's more jealous than I thought. I feel good and bad simultaneoulsy. I didn't see him for the few weeks preceding his departure, and won't see him until my arrival. But.. I miss him.. a lot.

I suppose if there's nothing much to report, I shouldn't force any posts. I've been really busy, but with things that aren't extremely close to me (saying goodbye to old roommates, etc.).

I feel lucky though, that I have so many wonderful people around me right now.

Wow³

I'm done. School is done. My final paper was a bust, but it's over and I can be happy about that.

I have a wicked cough scrapping my throat. The ginger tea Jol prepared me is soothing it.

So, I called the New Guy on Tuesday night, we made plans for Wednesday night after work. He was somewhere with his friends (so there was some noise in the background), but he said, 'I'll send you the google maps if you need directions', so I quickly said, 'oh my email's my first name dot my last name at gmail' and the next day, not only did I have an email, but I had an email with a google map link from the nearest metro stop to my house (which was only mentioned in passing) to his house, with additional details. I thought that was so sweet. I wrote his back that I would be there with bells on.

So, I got out of work a little later than hoped, and walked over to his house (25 minutes). Went up to his place to find this beautiful cozy apartment with pictures on the walls and old cameras in a display alcove. It was really put together, and I told him so. He said it was his aspiring-interior-decorator mother who was responsible.

So he had the food ready to go, he made his favourite thing to eat: stuffed coquille with cheese and tomatoes and salad. Then to my surprise, he also planned for brownies (!), which I don't even remember mentioning in any serious way. Needless to say, I was impressed. We talked and laughed about films for the most part. Then I brought my light meter to ask him if it worked. We got on the couch near the light and then he explained how it worked. I met his best friend, Jrdn, who seems really nice.

He has this very young way of behaving sometimes. Like.. sitting on the couch right next to me, putting his arm around me, stuff that I would think would repulse me I found sweet.

How is it possible for such nice people to exist? When I look out of my cocoon, I almost always find people who are genuinely nice.

Anyway, he showed me some of his early films and they were good. He also showed me some bits of his last film which looks impressive. My eyes are opening to filmmaking in a way that couldn't be done in class. Maybe it's all the technical jargon, but either way, it's fascinating.

I really like him. I feel calm about it. It's so simple. (Watch me complicate the hell out of this one.) He seems really smart and funny and I want to see him again.

I can't wait to go home, do nothing but watch movies and lie around on the couch. (Sidenote: This cough is killing me.)

I told Vncnt I went on a date and that it went really well. We had a good conversation about our friendship, where we are now, the fact that I'm scared that seeing V, or what he may say will have an effect on how I am with the New Guy. He confessed that he was scared I won't have time for him anymore.

This is going to be quite a balancing act.

Ravioli Alla Napolitana

That's what I ate for supper with the New Guy. After waiting an hour for the metro (only to find out I was 15 minutes away by foot) I was kind of pissed, and kind of worried that things wouldn't go well. But I called him an hour late, saying I would call him when I was ready to leave.

We met up in the center of Berri-Uqam metro. I got there 5 minutes early (thanks http://www.stm.info/) and he got there right on time. We gave each other la bise and went on our way to St-Denis. We walked and talked, it was easy conversation. He suggested this place on St-Denis, I think it was Napolito something, a few doors north of de Maisonneuve. The decor was christmas kitsch. It was really funny. At some point he said something like 'So, your name, it's germanic. It's funny, I never met an Adl before, but now it's popping up all the time: yesterday I went to go see Synecdoque, NY and the lead character is called Adl. Then as I was cleaning my apartment, I picked up the pamphlet from the awards last year, and I was looking through it and there you were!' I thought that super sweet and so awesome that he told me that. The food was surprisingly good! I had Ravioli alla Napolitana, really really good. We ate and talked. I was trying to be polite (i.e. not talk with my mouth full -- i think i did ok, but i also think i should be more conscious about stuff like that.) then we were sort of waiting. At some point I thought, 'i have no more water left, i'm not going to eat the rest of this, I feel like going somewhere else' so I said 'should we go?' and then we talked and waited for the people to bring the check. He said 'j'vais prendre la facture' and I said 'ah non non' and he said, 'yeah' and then i said 'ok, I won't insist too much'.

It was somewhat strange. Everything felt natural but I felt sort of polished. I was nervous, but not to the point where I lose my words and ramble on aimlessly. I could say smart things, use nice words (like ambivalent and discerning), and felt like he got what I was saying. We went to the exhibit, which was outside, what a great surprise! It was actually really cool. He introduced me to his friend. It was sweet; he would nudge me sometimes, like an accomplice. His friend was really nice too. The show was about interactive art. His friend created an instrument, a big thing with pipes. When you stood in front of it would send a signal to some thing that compressed air and then released it and a little ball would hit the pipes, which were cut at different lengths, making different sounds. It was really cool, but I was freezing my ass off. (I wore my Christian Dior tights with the weird pattern, the beige wool skirt Vnss gave me, and my soft black sweater and sneakers.)

Then from the art show, I was like, 'I need something warm in me quick, cause I'm freezing' so we went to the Scnd Cp on the corner. We went in, found a table and I was like: 'I'll get this'. It was also really sweet, I said: what do you want? and he said something like, 'I think.. I want a hot chocolate.. I mean, it might make me look like a kid but..' and it was funny because, that's what I wanted. So we both got hot chocolates and some cranberry pastry thing. Went to the table, continued talking. I forget about what, but film stuff a lot of the time.

At some point, I had my hand on my lap under the table, and I was sort of leaning over. Then I felt his hand and it was magical. I was in the middle of a sentence, and then, I just couldn't talk. I was completely and utterly at a loss for words. It was a really nice surprise. So we (insert funny hand motion here) for like 20 minutes.

There was lots of looking in the eyes. Not in a corny way, but maybe.. yeah, in a corny way. Then, we stopped the under the table business. At some point I made him touch my legs of steel, which was funny. Then the (insert funny hand motion here) continued, but now on the table. There more talking, laughing, and gazing. Towards the end, we weren't really talking, but it was nice to just be there.

Then we looked at the time and it was 12.07. Four hours, gone! just like that. We got on the metro. I took the green line to Place des arts, but that left us with only two stops... there were a few 'so..' moments, which were cute. As we were talking on the metro he said: 'so.. i'll see you next week, when you're done?' and I said: 'yeah.' I was thinking 'I really want you to come home with me.. but i really don't want to sleep with you (for responsibility's sake)' so I decided I wouldn't say anything, but I was like, 'is he gonna kiss me? What’s going on?' (but I was also sort of avoiding his face..) Then as we were approaching the station, I was like, 'fuck it, i want to kiss him' so i did! I did, I did! He kissed me back and then, pouf! I was gone (luckily I turned the corner before he --in the metro -- passed by, so it was a perfect moment).

I'm thinking the ball's in my court, which doesn't stress me somehow. This dude is just so easy to be around. It's strange. Maybe it's because he shows some pretty clear interest... Which puts me at ease, but not so much that I feel like I have all the power.

Nice. Reallllly nice.

We also came up with an idea for a children's book based on his childhood fear.

This is pretty much how I feel.

New Obsession

For the past few weeks now, I've become obsessed with wanting to hang things on walls for very long lengths of time. See picture below.

Maybe it's the time I spend on design and apartment blogs that makes me want to settle down. Or at least, have a place to call 'my' home.

Also, I was never into this mustache business, but this picture and article are funny:

The eyebrows are also funny.

The New Guy called me tonight (at 10pm, a little late for my taste, but hey, it may actually be the best time to reach me, so...) we talked for 20 minutes or so. It was easy conversation. I'm really feeling the difference of talking to a prospect who has similar background versus talking to a prospect with interest but not the same knowledge. It's cool. (Although I should clarify that some people I know who are not in the 'field' know as much or more than i do about many things). Anyway, he remembered some stuff from yesterday which was sort of nice. Then he was like 'my friend's show.. Uqam.. tomorrow' and I was like 'work.. yeah.. library.. i'll call you tomorrow'. He gave me his number.

So tomorrow we're supposed to meet at some point, maybe grab a bite before, go to the library (which we won't go to, because it closes at five on stupid saturdays! -- I wanted to go get some Nina Simone CDs for my trip to moncton), go to the show, go get a coffee or something after, and then what?

I'm not sure if it's not okay to talk about this on blogs, but.. I'm not sure how I feel about sleeping with him yet. I'm pretty sure I don't want to rush into it though. Things get ruined like that (by that I mean: I get bored in those cases).

I'm going to think about this, but also, I think it's the responsible thing to do to not sleep with him. I don't wanna be that girl. It's going to be awkward in class.

Oh jeez, I just had a flashback. Ok, I have to stop thinking about this.

Shivers

I still have his smell lingering on me somewhere. My face? His hair? -- I don't think so. Too strong for laundry. He was wearing a dress shirt and soft pants. Ah -- it's under my nose. A clean smell, that I can't quite place. I was coming from my second drink and some socializing. The initial encounter ENTIRELY ORCHESTRATED BY VNSS (so 'caj', so 'i like your shirt', so genius!).

So, we talked about film studies, film production, his film, his meeting of Spielberg. I was pretty on the ball, though occasionally falling back on cliché questions (which directors inspire you? that's when the truth came out -- he loves Spielberg hehe Although I should confess that I have a soft spot for Whoopi Goldberg pre-The View, so I can't judge). At some point he said, 'I'm going to go to the bathroom' at which point I went to find Sm. I didn't feel super pumped to push this guy, but Sm and a CSA girl Mm kept telling me he was checking me out. I had a hard time believing it was happenning, so I had another drink and let a little looser. I eyed him a few times more, and then engaged in conversation with other people. At some point, I was talking to this guy who seemed flirty, but I didn't return the feeling, I was looking for a way out so I said: 'However inappropriate this may be to say.. I'm gonna go to the bathroom' and proceeded on my way in my guy's direction (i.e. the bathroom) I coolly chatted with another girl I had briefly met earlier in the evening, we were making jokes, trying to get ahead of the line (i.e. trying to get him to notice me) and when I got there, he did. Several people went to the bathroom before us, but neither of us seemed to notice.

We were talking.. I'm not sure what about, but I did feel inclined to tell him a strange thing that had just occurred to me an Mm. I tolf him: "two guys came up to us and said: so hey.. we uhh.. noticed you checkin' us out, you ahh.. wanna.. you know" to which Mm promptly replied: 'ey! C'est poche comme approche ca!' and they scuttled away. I said: 'although I appreciate the honesty, I think there's a better, more subtle way of going about it' and he said: 'aha.. so.. you noticed I was checking you out?' I paused (what do I say? 'me too?' 'yes?' fuck!) and replied.. (trying to take Lv's advice: be yourself, be yourself, be yourself which to me means, be honest!) ... 'It might be creepy to say, but... I noticed you before... uhmm.. two years ago in the library.' He said: 'really? what was I doing in the library!?' then we laughed and he said: 'well... I noticed you in Film Directors class' to which I responded: 'I sit in front of you!' and he said: 'well.. I did!' Then I was like.. ok, adèle, i'm not sure how much more clear than that it can be, he's into it, the cat is in the bag, you can get what you want, don't fuck it up!

After a few minutes of (somewhat needed awkward) silence he says: 'so, you wanna try some funny dance moves?' (because we were sort of giggling at Sm and the silly dancers, and saying how we are also very silly dancers ourselves.) So we "danced" for about... 1.15 minutes. Then his hand brushed.. touched mine.. then he held it. We swayed with the hip-hop funk (or whatever it was). Then the other hand.. same thing. We were still talking, the whole: so where're you from bit, but we were both fumbling for words a little (I was serious.. because I was pretty tipsy at this point). Then I don't know how it happened, as I usually don't in these cases, but we started making out. For like 20 minutes, hard, like sluts, on the dance floor. I think there were some people staring at some point.

I think I lost a major chunk, if not all, my street geek cred tonight. (goddammit! -- I was proud of that)

Anyway, we danced, made out, he's hot, why the fuck not?

I decided I didn't want to sleep with him. I'm pretty sure I could have.. but, I felt slightly uncool about it. It would be complicated anyway, working the next day, being tired, it was late, etc.

At some point I said: 'okay.. I should go' and repeated it a bunch of time until Sm got his act together. My guy was hangin' around.. He said things like 'man, I reaaally didn't think I would meet someone as cool as you'. He asked for my number, said there was something about his friend's show this weekend. I said I would be free friday and saturday night (which isn't really true.. paper deadline looming and all), but whatever. I didn't take his number. I felt too ambivalent to commit to that, in the sense that, in my mind, getting his number would justify obsessing about him and why he didn't call (-- which he will, be positive!) So I'm gonna play it cool in an Adl way. I already confessed I knew him two years ago.. it can't get any weirder than that.

He seems cool. I'm impressed that I haven't gone running for the hills yet.

I wonder what I'm going to say to Vincent.. if anything at all, that is. I will say something.. obsess about what I'm going to say.. and all the rest.

In the meantime, I should go to bed, it's 5.15 am. I can still smell him under my nose.

N-n-n-nothing to SAY!

Today, except: my brain hurts
and I love NYC

because it looks like a hot dog.

The Ice Storm

Went to Em Cafe with Sm for some good food. Good food to feed my mind. Had a productive day today, even though I wasted half of it sleeping in until 10.15.. (I fell asleep at 11 the night before).

It's cold outside. The kind of cold you feel in your thighs, but not the kind of cold that burns your face. A crazy blanket of snow just covered the city over the last two days. Everything is covered with 5 inches of snow. The trees have that iced-rain covered thing happennin'. When you walk down the street you hear them crack as you pass under them. And you hope they won't come crashing down on you. Like that parking lot that came crashing on an unsuspecting tenant a few weeks ago.. surreal.

I'm feeling lighter. Happier. Maybe it's because I bought twelve dollars worth of bus tickets.. Am giving up on snow-cycling already? That remains undecided.

I did go swimming tonight. Second day in a row. It felt good tonight. No dizzyness.

These dark-chocolate covered almond are really good. I can't wait to go home. Maybe I won't care about being shy anymore.

What Do You Do With the Pieces of a Broken Heart?

You talk about them on gchat and decide to be friends forever.



I'll store my love in a box, and save it for a rainy day.
Less anxiety, more M. Ward..

The University of Awesomness

A whole new world of possibilities opened itself up to me today. Talking with Vncnt about Grad school and scholarships. It all started when I asked him what he knew about the Fullbright Scholarship, then he suggested the Commonwealth Scholarship.

I did some quick research and found some very interesting programs in the UK. It's very exciting, but also somewhat stressful and confusing.

(Sidenote: everything's fine with Vncnt, we still talk on gchat occasionally. Me = Numb)

Lack of Originality (Title-Wise)

I have never seen this photographof Audrey Hepburn by Erwin Blumenfeld. Verrrry nice.

Trying to wrap this up this take-home exam, but I'm finding too many nice photos not to post. Like, this one:



This is a picture I saw that made me want to cry:



and this is how I felt afterwards:



It would be fun to write stories with images only, but it would probably be complicated copyright-wise.

"Are You Hyper?"

"A little bit... yes."

New discovery, thanks to Vnss and my need to be as cool as Lv. All images on this blog will pretty much always be taken from this website from now on... I kid, I kid, I couldn't let go of my own trusty design/food/fashion blogs.



This picture makes me happy. This one too:



This one is Article b.) of my mantra:

I (Heart) UCP

University of California Press sends me emails from time to time about books it thinks I might like. I've glanced at some of them in the past, but today, oooh today, UCP hit the nail on the head: New Media in the White Cube and Beyond:Curatorial Models for Digital Art Edited by Christiane Paul. This book looks very interesting.

My faith and motivation have been restored today. There is a futur. A futur that can be happy and fulfilling. Filled with birdies. Beautiful birdies.

I may attempt a little de-technoligization (sidenote: there's gotta be a better word for that) in the next few weeks. It'll be easy when I go home (dial-up only, baby).

I'm going to try to go swimming tonight. Gotta hit those waves.

The Conversation We Will Never Have

Yesterday, I thought: 'I need you to tell me you will never give me what I want.'

Today, I thought: 'You don't have to tell me. You tell me everytime you don't.'

Now I think: I shouldn't have to settle for you. I shouldn't have to settle for you. I shouldn't have to settle for you. I shouldn't have to settle for you.

I've found my new mantra.