Shivers

I still have his smell lingering on me somewhere. My face? His hair? -- I don't think so. Too strong for laundry. He was wearing a dress shirt and soft pants. Ah -- it's under my nose. A clean smell, that I can't quite place. I was coming from my second drink and some socializing. The initial encounter ENTIRELY ORCHESTRATED BY VNSS (so 'caj', so 'i like your shirt', so genius!).

So, we talked about film studies, film production, his film, his meeting of Spielberg. I was pretty on the ball, though occasionally falling back on cliché questions (which directors inspire you? that's when the truth came out -- he loves Spielberg hehe Although I should confess that I have a soft spot for Whoopi Goldberg pre-The View, so I can't judge). At some point he said, 'I'm going to go to the bathroom' at which point I went to find Sm. I didn't feel super pumped to push this guy, but Sm and a CSA girl Mm kept telling me he was checking me out. I had a hard time believing it was happenning, so I had another drink and let a little looser. I eyed him a few times more, and then engaged in conversation with other people. At some point, I was talking to this guy who seemed flirty, but I didn't return the feeling, I was looking for a way out so I said: 'However inappropriate this may be to say.. I'm gonna go to the bathroom' and proceeded on my way in my guy's direction (i.e. the bathroom) I coolly chatted with another girl I had briefly met earlier in the evening, we were making jokes, trying to get ahead of the line (i.e. trying to get him to notice me) and when I got there, he did. Several people went to the bathroom before us, but neither of us seemed to notice.

We were talking.. I'm not sure what about, but I did feel inclined to tell him a strange thing that had just occurred to me an Mm. I tolf him: "two guys came up to us and said: so hey.. we uhh.. noticed you checkin' us out, you ahh.. wanna.. you know" to which Mm promptly replied: 'ey! C'est poche comme approche ca!' and they scuttled away. I said: 'although I appreciate the honesty, I think there's a better, more subtle way of going about it' and he said: 'aha.. so.. you noticed I was checking you out?' I paused (what do I say? 'me too?' 'yes?' fuck!) and replied.. (trying to take Lv's advice: be yourself, be yourself, be yourself which to me means, be honest!) ... 'It might be creepy to say, but... I noticed you before... uhmm.. two years ago in the library.' He said: 'really? what was I doing in the library!?' then we laughed and he said: 'well... I noticed you in Film Directors class' to which I responded: 'I sit in front of you!' and he said: 'well.. I did!' Then I was like.. ok, adèle, i'm not sure how much more clear than that it can be, he's into it, the cat is in the bag, you can get what you want, don't fuck it up!

After a few minutes of (somewhat needed awkward) silence he says: 'so, you wanna try some funny dance moves?' (because we were sort of giggling at Sm and the silly dancers, and saying how we are also very silly dancers ourselves.) So we "danced" for about... 1.15 minutes. Then his hand brushed.. touched mine.. then he held it. We swayed with the hip-hop funk (or whatever it was). Then the other hand.. same thing. We were still talking, the whole: so where're you from bit, but we were both fumbling for words a little (I was serious.. because I was pretty tipsy at this point). Then I don't know how it happened, as I usually don't in these cases, but we started making out. For like 20 minutes, hard, like sluts, on the dance floor. I think there were some people staring at some point.

I think I lost a major chunk, if not all, my street geek cred tonight. (goddammit! -- I was proud of that)

Anyway, we danced, made out, he's hot, why the fuck not?

I decided I didn't want to sleep with him. I'm pretty sure I could have.. but, I felt slightly uncool about it. It would be complicated anyway, working the next day, being tired, it was late, etc.

At some point I said: 'okay.. I should go' and repeated it a bunch of time until Sm got his act together. My guy was hangin' around.. He said things like 'man, I reaaally didn't think I would meet someone as cool as you'. He asked for my number, said there was something about his friend's show this weekend. I said I would be free friday and saturday night (which isn't really true.. paper deadline looming and all), but whatever. I didn't take his number. I felt too ambivalent to commit to that, in the sense that, in my mind, getting his number would justify obsessing about him and why he didn't call (-- which he will, be positive!) So I'm gonna play it cool in an Adl way. I already confessed I knew him two years ago.. it can't get any weirder than that.

He seems cool. I'm impressed that I haven't gone running for the hills yet.

I wonder what I'm going to say to Vincent.. if anything at all, that is. I will say something.. obsess about what I'm going to say.. and all the rest.

In the meantime, I should go to bed, it's 5.15 am. I can still smell him under my nose.