First, a few days ago, chatting with Vncnt. We're discussing the possibility of him moving in because the others are moving out. (I should have known better than to entertain this idea, because his behavior matched my expectations.) Then he starts with this: 'hypothetically, how would you react if I brought a girl home?', 'you don't think my presence will be hard on you?', 'you feel confident you won't return to your previous sentiments?' etc. I assure him several times, that I understand and appreciate our current situation (platonic friendship) and that I don't forsee that changing in the near future. Then the 'even if, hypothetically, I decided to come back on this decision, you would have the firmness to maintain it?' comes out. I stay cool as a cucumber in the moment and throw him a 'yes, besides, we could never work as a romantic unit'. then he proceeds to back out of the moving thing and the conversations pretty much ends there.
In the moment I was fine, but now, I'm sort of pissed off. His immaturity is astounding. The moment his ego is bruised, he turns around and backs out of plans HE initiated. He starts this stupid game of push and pull and it's just because he needs drama around him or something.
Anyway, I shouldn't even let this get under my skin. That's precisely what he intended to do (albeit, unconsciously). I won't give it another thought, because it's just bringing me down.
In other news, I had the picnic with P. It was very quiet and calm. I felt nervous he wouldn't like what I made, but he said he did, so I guess I passed the cooking test. We were somewhat affectionate, which is nice, but I felt weird a little bit. We went to class (I still feel awkward about him sitting with me. I want him to sit with his friends, but I don't know how to say so... It's just awkward for me, I feel like I'm stealing him away from them.) and sat together. He touched my hand, knee, back a few times and I did the same.
I mean, I sort of expected I would go over to his place after class, but when he told me about his last two days, it became clear that he was tired, and would continue to be ridiculously busy for the next week. The whole movie all I can think about is sleeping with him, waking up with him, his bed, his hair, whatever. Then on our way towards our respective transit methods I say: 'So what are we doing?' and he moves back and forth and replies 'well... I need to sleep' and I say 'yes you do' (because, he really does). He kisses me, and I tell him to scuttle off. Then I can't help but feel a little disappointed that he didn't invite me over. I have a little bit of paranoia now, sort of, me waiting for something to go wrong, but I think I'm reading too much into it.
I came home a little stressed and disappointed. I saw that P was on gchat. I wanted to talk to him, about something and about nothing. I asked him what his middle name was because it's part of his g-address. He said it was Glls (if you can guess that). Then I told him: 'I have something weird to say and I don't want you to be offended' and he says 'go, shoot'. I tell him 'I feel bad that you don't sit with your friends in class anymore' he says: 'lol. I never sit with my friends' I say : 'yes you did!' and he says 'i like sitting with you...' 'me too! I say' and he replies 'don't feel bad, I should say 'hey guys, this is Adl, she is nice and sweet' but I suck at that, sorry'. I respond: 'I would burst into a million pieces if you did.. shyness kills'.
Then I tell him I'm thinking about doing this acting workshop with my Film Script prof to kick my shyness to the curb.
Then back to the friends conversation, he says 'I just say hi to them enthusiastically, it makes people feel good' then I say: 'ok, whatever you prefer, but I just had to say it.. these are the kinds of insignificant things I get a little stressed about' and he responded 'don't. just don't :)'
Gosh darnit. He is so sweet. He's like a fucking ray of sunshine.
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