Hearts Aflutter

I went to P's last night after work. He called me during the day because he was bored at work. I don't know why, but that made me feel really good. I'm a phone person, and I like people who like to talk on the phone. It redeemed him for the not-answering-the-g-chat-hello -- Not that he needed to be redeemed, but I needed some sort of confirmation of interest for myself.

I need to get off the drama! I'm pretty sure he likes me, and that should be enough. Agns told me: 'You were happy before you met him, you can still be happy now'. I think she's right. I had reached a level of independent happyness that was healthy and I'm strong enough to maintain that now.

Mostly, I think it was the roommate situation that tipped me overboard a little bit. It's a temporary, and/but unecessary stress. It put everything out of perspective. I feel better about it now. I found out about this side of myself that, when in highly stressful situations, shuts down, becomes very secrety, and doesn't like to discuss things. I talked about it with Vnss. Her non-judgemental attitude about my behavior made me think it was possible to change it. I'm on my way to fixing it.

In other news, my brain is still fuzzy due to inactivity. I realized I haven't been very stressed this semester, and it's because I don't let my schoolwork penetrate me so as to avoid feeling stressed about it. It also makes for boring essays.

I wish I was able to communicate my ideas on film with people at school. I tried introducing Brakhage to P, but I don't think I was very convincing. I kind of like that he knows a lot about film. I'm not sure if he knows more than I do, or he just knows different stuff than I do (I'm leaning towards this possibility), but I like feeling his intelligence.

We had supper with his roommate Jrdn, who is very nice, charming, calm, studious and likes classical music (!). It was such great fun being with them. You feel their bond so strongly. P was playing songs (Simon and Garfunkle, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Flight of the Concords) in the kitchen while I was doing the dishes and when he couldn't remember the lyrics, Jrdn would pick up where he left off. He was standing in the other room though, which was funny from my perspective, because they could see each other, but I could only see Jrdn's feet. It was really fun. I felt like having him around.

I really like how I've transitionned from a strictly one-on-one gal to a the-more-the-merrier gal. I feel that it's a big step in my development as a mature/secure person.

So we watched Brakhage, played Super Nintendo, watched one of his early films (a melodrama) which was really funny. I never knew melodramas were funny. This morning I had the best cantaloupe I've had in many months, orange juice, cereal, and half an english muffin with Nutella.

He's so great to be with. It continually amazes me. For example, he touched my hand at the dinner table even though Jrdn was there. Sometimes, guys don't do sweet stuff in front of their friends. I liked that he did that.

Then today after my Film History class, I was waiting for Sm to come so we could go eat and I saw P from a distance in the Library Building Atrium setting up the sound for a photo installation. He waved at me, and I shot him a fake gun. When Sm got there he came up to test the mic and said hello. He was so cute. I really liked seeing him at school. It made me feel like our worlds were close.

I just thought of something: am I rambling aimlessly about all the cute/good things he does/happen? Gee -- that could be boring.

I would go into detail about sexy stuff, but I feel like that's crossing some sort of line.. I'm going to have to consult the jury on that one.

Last corny thing: I can't wait to get to that part where the possibility of saying I L Y makes you all nervous inside. It might be too early to say, but I feel like it is a possibility.

Cuteness.