It's Wednesday!

Time flies regardless of whether or not one is having fun.

Gee -- that's seems like a pessimistic (if only ambiguously) start to a post. This one will be optimistic!

I bought 60$ worth of awesome cinema books (3 on Canadian cinema, 1 on French new wave). It felt good to buy something useful. Speaking of useful, I've started using my agenda a lot. I used to use agendas religiously before, then I switched to notebooks, now I'm back on agendas. It's so cute and green and awesome.

Anyway, that's weird stuff to talk about.

I spoke to the head of archives at Concordia about graduate programs in film archiving and preservation. Her info was very useful, but also pretty discouraging (ie. school is expensive, jobs are hard to come by). I think it's up to me to decide how discouraging it is though. Maybe I'll stick around Mtl. for my MA after all. I will cross that bridge when I get to it though, no use stressing now.

Had a little meltdown in front of Vncnt today. Sm and I found a roommate, thereby terminating the possibility of Vncnt moving in. I felt bad about the whole thing, but I just wanted this thing to be over with. I didn't want anyone to be mad. I ended up feeling like I betrayed him somehow, and I felt cold and awkward with him this morning. He picked up on it right away, probed a little bit, I teared up, he said I had nothing to be sorry about, I said I knew but would go on feeling sorry for a little while. He changed the subject, and ended up making me feel better.

It's funny how much trouble I have being and behaving like an adult, which to me means confronting things straightforwardly and honestly. I always feel like I'm regressing when I find myself in these stressful situations. I push the panic button (as my mother would say) too quickly. It drives me crazy in my head, but in a way, I let myself be driven crazy.

I feel like I've lost a little bit of my post-holiday zen-ness. I haven't been sleeping well, I haven't been exercising, I post less, I schoolwork less, I don't know what my problem is. I just have to DO IT!

Like right now: less internet, more paper (ie. reading).

Cuba in 2.5 weeks. Awesomeness!