Okay okay... this is the story: Last night he and I went to a party of one of Vnss's friends from school. It was a 'The Office' themed party. At first I hesitated, but then thought, why not?! There should be lots of cuties there.
I had already made plans to make supper for Vncnt (it turned out sub-par) but then I thought 'Hey, why not invite him, and see what happens'. So I did, and he (suprisingly) agreed. I got in my pretty BR dress with heels! I was lookin' pretty cute, so there was no way I could feel bad. V raced to his house to change into his suit and bowtie (so cute), and we walked over. It was really nice walking around with him like that.. having people think we're a couple.
We get to the party, go in and start mingling (mostly with Vnss, but whatever, it stills counts). I felt fine.. calm for some reason.. he seemed calm too. So we chatted with some percussionists, I talked with Vnss's friend and we all had a jolly time.
Towards the end of the night (we probably spent about an hour there), Vncnt was itching to leave. He came over to the couch and sat beside me after we moved over to make space. It was really nice.. just to be next to him. At some point he had his arm behind me. Not on me or anything, but just behind.. (I realized later this was definetly to be sitting more comfortably but still!)..
At some point, Vnss's friend said something to me like: "Is your boyfriend is library science?" and I said: "Who? That guy?! He's not my boyfriend.. hehe although, I love him.. but.. he doesn't love me back.. so here we are!" I found it really humorous. It felt like I was someone else. Someone with confidence.
It was a lovely party, but I'm glad we left when we did. We walked home. I was feeling really romantic. The only thing missing was hand-holding. But it's okay.
Most of the time, lately, I really feel like he wants to be in a relationship. But he doesn't want to say it out loud or something. I feel good about the time we spend together. It doesn't sting as much as before. I feel like I'm not afraid of saying anything anymore.
I know I'm biased, but, he's actually being really wonderful lately. He gives me compliments frequently, he makes me feel like I am important in his life, he listens more and asks questions.. It's nice.
I still feel like I'm at this place now where I want to share. I know that right now he can't in the ways that I need him to. I've still got my eyes open. In fact, I'm planning on checking out two guys from my classes at the CSA party. I've decided that it's okay if I randomly interact with people. So I'll try.
I've been craving.. a winter coat.. and a comfy bed (see above).
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