Hug You Hug Me

Today was one of those 'Ouff' days. 'Ouff' I've got a lot of work to do. 'Ouff' I feel tired. 'Ouff' putting this off is only making it worst.

I'm lacking the right word, but I declared today a pity day. I felt dumb. I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I wouldn't be able to get my act together and pull some solid work out of myself. Compounded by the fact that I have no theses for my 3 upcoming projects, I see stress beginning to rear its ugly head.

I'm considering skipping a class or two. Today would have been the day to do it, but I couldn't bring myself to. I was on g-chat at some point, and Vncnt was too. He said 'hey' and asked how I was. I related to him the second paragraph of this post and his response surprised me. It was sweet encouragement: "pobre tita" which translates to "pauvre petite (in a sympathic manner)". I was surprised. It was the gchat equivalent of a hug (in the world of Adl).

He is (more and more) becoming an Adl kind of friend, meaning, details, details, details. The kind who explains why they called you back late, or who gives me the rundown of their whole day (including times, people and places). I become an open book with friends, and often expect the same. Details are crucial for me. They are often the only way I can really understand what they're telling me.

He said he had fencing practice, but that we could bike home together after my class. Those (biking home together) are the things I do with friends. I think he may have found them silly before, but he seems to be opening up to these small gestures now.

He's being really nice. I mean, as we were biking up he asked: "How did your day end up?" I said: 'Better" to which he responded, "good." I'm watching him growing into a beautiful friend.

I feel really good about this situation. I've let go of so much of my neuroses about this. When we hang out and have fun, I usually leave the situation thinking: 'Gee, that was fun!' and 'I wish I could tell you I love you, but it's okay that I can't, right now.' I was thinking about asking him if it would be okay to hug him sometimes.

I'm trying to force myself to connect with people. I don't touch people. Ever. The only person who touches me (hugs and stuff) regularly is Vnss. It's so nice to hug people. Hugging Jl's friend Nk after our first meeting was the best thing I could have ever done. Because I meant it. I shouldn't be afraid of meaningful hugs.

I'm really scared about this hugging thing. This probably scares me more than anything else right now..