A few things happened since last week. Deciding that I would do my best to move beyond fear, I decided I would have a conversation with P about how I was feeling. What was the most fundamental was that I missed him, and not being able to share this with him because of my own fear seemed unhealthy, so I did. He instantly said 'I miss you too' and then I explained a little more my quest to get beyond my fear and so on. In the instant that I did it, I felt better, and I've felt better ever since. In fact, I think it sort of opened the door for him to express how he feels too. He's been expressing stuff he didn't used to, so it makes me feel like we're on the same 'miss you' page.
Last week was good, this week has started off well, we spent a whole 24 hours together last weekend. We went to see a jazz show with some friends and it was pretty good. The next day when he asked me what I wanted to do I said 'oh.. i don't know..' and when he asked me again later I said 'anything as long as you're around' which is what I was holding back from saying earlier. So we went shopping for pants. After he decided on a few pairs, he offered to buy me a little something to thank me for my help. So I picked out awesome polka dot tights, which I've wanted for a long time, but somehow could never justify buying.
I wore my polka dot tights today when we went to see Avatar this afternoon. I think it's actually cool that my work schedule is M-W-F, because then we can spend some afternoon time together occasionally. I think i'm more comfortable asking for some of this time now.
In other news, I got accepted to McGill and I have to give them my answer before the 19th. It turns out my answer needs to be accompanied by a 300$ non-refundable deposit. After a few hours of panic, P made me realize that I should be investing in my future, not taking risks like this. I was thinking of taking a leap of faith that everything would work out for Toronto -- get the Ontario Graduate Scholarship, get accepted and get funding -- but those chances are seriously slim. He offered to pay for it, which makes me want to cry because it's so sweet and generous. He also said his parents would help too, because he had mentioned a potential fee to his mom last week. His mother did offer to pay for it too in an email exchange I had with her today.
I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do. I wish McGill wasn't asking for such a ridiculously huge chunk of change. I wish I didn't have as much debt as my age x 1000. I hope someday I can be generous too.
In other other news, I did my very first do-it-yourself upholstery project and it was fantastic! I reupholstered two little stools I found outside. Covered them with dark purple velvet, spray painted the metal frame in silver - they are gorgeous! I'm totally addicted to d-i-y projects now. They make you feel so good. They make you feel like you're doing something. It's good to do something with our hands. I've got my eye on a complicated shelf system. P said he would help me. I love the thought of doing d-i-y projects with him. I'm all proud of my little stools.
Fun fun fun..
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