Spazzing out 24/7

I put my finger on a few things in the last few days.

I've been feeling generally overwhelmed since I started this program. It's a very powerful feeling. A mixture of fear, doubt, irrational, and some positive things but I can't remember now. That's what I mean. I'm in a constant state of forgetfulness and, as i like to call it, spazzing out. 24. 7.

I don't feel like myself in all this. I'm the one who remembers details. I'm the one who's always on time. I'm the one who makes plans. Not anymore. I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't like this feeling.

And another thing. I'm feeling very strange about communication these days. Most of my good friends are gone from this town, and I find most of the conversations I have in my day-to-day are kind of shallow. I mean, I suppose there's hope with a few people that something will come out of it.. but really, it's just one person, and she has lots of friends, so who knows if i'll fit it.

I feel sad that many of my favourite people are no longer around me, and that i'm not aware of their daily lives. More and more I'm beginning to feel that the only thing you can really be rooted into is yourself, because people come and go, and you have no control over that. And the happiness you get out of life shouldn't necessarily be totally invested in the people around you.

This is a very hard thing for me to say, because i've always believed and known that in life, it didn't matter where I was or what I was doing, as long as the people I loved were around me. Now I don't know what to think anymore... but maybe that's just the grad-school talking.

One thing I do like, is how all this graduate stuff if making me really excited about having a normal life. Cleaning. Cooking. Canning. Being healthy. Being happy with the simple pleasures of life. (Am I turning into a mom already!? uh-oh)

I've been thinking about going to yoga twice per week... that would be super intense for me. Since i've started, i've been walking around more, because my knees don't hurt instantly! I feel like my sanity is always restored when I do yoga. I could use more of that.

I could also use more P. He's in Peru. And although we wouldn't necessarily be spending time together right now, we would be having our little daily chats.

This bed is nice. I like how they prop up their pillows with those big decorative ones.



I really love beds in general. So comfy.