When I grow up..

I still want to be interested in food, I still want to take the time to make healthy meals, I want to be active and in touch with nature, I don't want to think I know everything about anything, I still want to listen, I want to speak and mean what I say, I don't want to be a complainer, I want to make the time to take care of myself.

These are some things I've been thinking about this weekend. I've also been thinking a lot about how i'm becoming more and more like my mother. I remember when I was younger she would make cleaning up our closets and dresser drawers a weekend activity. She would move the furniture in our rooms to make them seem fresh and different. She took care to make the bed with 10, 000 pillows and put baby powder between the clean sheets.

I've noticed I've get great satisfaction from cleaning up the pile of clothes sitting in my closet, rethinking how to optimize my storage. I make my bed with the same care my mother took to smooth out all the wrinkles and make the sheets tight.

I know that I have no idea how children will change my life, but I really, really hope that I will still be able to do things with care for them and when they are around. I don't want to go to quick fixes most of the time. I want to connect with them through these activities.

The older I get, the more old-timey I'm becoming - wanting to make things homemade as much as possible. I don't think this is bad thing, but I'm still unsure of how I will be able to negotiate this with a full-time job later on.

Another thing is friends. The more time passes, the more I see how relationships become the center of people's lives. It seems like nowadays when I have free time, it's almost always spent with P. I love spending time with him, but it also makes me wonder: where my girls at? I want to keep my friendships even when I'm old and have a family, but this seems next to impossible when everyone is busy and far away.

I'm not saying I'm giving up hope, i'm just saying, I miss you!