Rarara

Okay, I've put my finger on something that really bugs me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. It's irritation mixed with jealousy towards P's mom. It was prompted by an article in Vanity Fair I was reading during our SC trip. It was Angelina Jolie waxing poetic about motherhood and parenting. I passed the magazine to his mom and she read the article. She didn't really comment on anything except one phrase where Jolie says something like 'when they become teenagers and they start closing the door, don't talk to them, listen. Because there's nothing you could say' and she responds: 'Angelina Jolie knows nothing about parenting if that's what she thinks'. The whole thing struck me because when I read the article and that sentence I thought 'yeah, that's awesome, listen to your child'. I didn't respond anything to her, but the irritation stayed with me.

She has very strong views on what makes a happy marriage, a happy childhood and a happy home, and who am I to judge? She's got all three. I mean, yes, her children are kind of exceptional and they all adore each other, but fuck, she had the luxury to stay home and raise them for a long time, with a husband making enough income to support them. I don't know if she realizes that that is not the case for most people. I don't know if I should feel flattered that she thinks I fit in that kind of profile, or angry that she has mistaken me for fitting in that profile.

I get rattled up whenever she talks about child rearing because although she has raised two well-balanced, successful, kind, loving children, I don't think there's only one way of getting those results. I feel like she's blind to their faults, but I guess all mothers are.

All this came about this weekend because I went to spend two days there with P and to see Eat, Pray, Love with his sister and mom. Her sister's friend was getting married on saturday so it sparked lots of discussion about weddings and how they should or shouldn't be. His sister was disappointed at the lack of traditional aspects in the ceremony.

I know I shouldn't, but I almost feel like telling people who think traditional weddings are the only way to go that they are crazy! There are SO many ways of getting married today. I would rather have a small and sincere wedding than a showy one where you don't feel like yourself, you're surrounded by people you don't really know, and you feel like you need to make a performance out of the whole thing. Today, my ideal wedding would be small enough to fit everyone on one big old wooden table (or two), lots of pictures, and lots of smiles.

I wonder if people hide themselves behind traditional weddings. If you follow the rituals, you avoid having to reveal anything about your personality, playing it safe... is that really the way to start the rest of your life?

Perhaps I'm judging all this too critically. Perhaps I'm letting my alternative views get the best of me. The only thing I hope is that if ever that day comes, I'll be able to compromise.

Another thing that kind of bugged me was her interpretation of Eat, Pray, Love. I think she's got it all wrong, focusing on the relationships (ex-husband, ex-lover, current boyfriend) instead of Liz's journey. What really burns my butt is when she insists on the fact that Liz is an extremely controlling person: I think 'should you really be the person commenting on another's control issues?'.

Rarara!

I know the best thing to do is let it go. And for the most part I can. My only worry is if this relationship with P grows into a long-term, family thing. Will she be invasive? Will I have to have awkward conversations with P about it? Will I be able to stand my ground? Will I be able to build a life different from the one she built with her husband if P is mine?

I know it's too early to think about this, but it seemed like the perfect occasion to do so.. wedding and all.

Think positive. Believe in yourself. Let go.



Love this coat-hanger.