I also like going to dinner with P to celebrate the end of school, to celebrate snow, to celebrate our one year anniversary, and to celebrate love. We went to a party at Phl's afterwards. It was really nice, we talked and laughed and giggled and snuggled each other. We were there 'as a couple' and we didn't really socialize with strangers, but we talked a little bit about that. About how it's awkward for Patrick to strick up a conversation with Joe Stranger when he's Phl's friend's boyfriend. I feel the same way when I hang around in his circles. I figure people have to make more direct links with the main person in question; they have to bond on something.
I'm really glad I got the reality check I did many weeks ago. The reality check to chill out, put myself first, and realize how wonderful it is to accept and love people for who they are. These things seem really obvious, but when you think about it, they're not so.
P gently opens up to me about lots of things and I don't push him anymore. I've realized that some times it's me who is actually a bit closed. More than I would like to admit. He was talking to me about his family's christmas traditions, and he asked me what I was looking forward to the most. I told him I wasn't big on christmas, when what I meant was 'I have too many memories of drunk, fighting christmases, where I just wanted to unwrap gifts and get as far away from everyone as possible.' I feel a little bit like I'm omitting something important, but I also don't want to over-emphasize something (which still hurts me) but I don't identify with.. I don't feel a huge amount of pressure about this, but I did feel a tinge of something when I didn't bring it up.
Things are great.
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