Whoa No More

I hit an ultime high on the bad-mood barometer today and I'm confused as to what has prompted this sour mood. I spent the last two days with P and had a wonderful time, but today I left his house, rode home under the dense grey sky, and got home only to be pretty bitchy with Sm. The nice thing about him is that we can discuss my bitchyness, and he doesn't usually take it personally. But seriously, I have to stop doing that.

I've been feeling a little desperate and needy these days. 'Why hasn't he responded to my email?' 'Why isn't he on gchat?' and thinking about him a lot when I should be thinking about other things. I feel like my head is full of air and I have no interesting conversations left in me. It's almost like I enjoy talking about the weather, the usual 'what's new?' but not much more.

I may be over analyzing this.

Today I felt needy and I didn't like it. I also felt like the only thing that would make me feel better was to buy something I didn't need. Right now, that's the worse attitude I could have, given my current financial situation. I keep finding these cool things online, or in stores that are very 'nesting' things. I'm still on this 'hanging things up on walls for very long periods of time' kick.. but it has expanded into table lamps and tshirts -- two things I definetly don't need.

I need more structure, or else I will end up confused and penniless.

So here's my To Do list:

no more restaurants.
learn to cook (better, healthier).
learn to plan.
read (books, not blogs).
sleep (being asleep at 11 is like heaven).
swim (more than once per week).
appreciate friends (every day).
take time for self (every day).
call mom (without putting it off).
simple things.
Think more.
Feel more.
Breathe more.

Here's hoping.