I'm eating M&Ms, reading about (and falling in love with) David Lynch, and not panicking about the paper that I haven't started and is due Wednesday. I just can't bring myself to experience that level of stress right now, it's too counter-productive.
I've been seeing more of P lately, which is really nice. Last night we went to a film-people party with Jrdn (his roommate) and L. It was really fun. Not long after we arrived, P sort of broke off and started talking tech with some of the people he knew there. I was only mildly interested in the conversations I was having with strangers, so I was happier to talk to L and Jrdn. At some point, Jrdn and I found ourselves in the corner talking about how we found parties a little annoying because of the unavoidable superficial chit-chat. We started talking about social interaction, perception, consciousness, language and meaning, and all these cool concepts that he understands on a more concrete level that I do because he studies psychology (the hard stuff, no pop-psychology for this guy). It was really awesome to connect with someone like that. I'm not saying it was a unique experience, but it was nice to feel it at the same time. I also really appreciated it when he said, 'It's easy talking to you'. He's very good (and polite) when it comes to socializing with new people, but I think most of the time he's not that interested in the new people he's interacting with.
I wish I had a single girl friend for him. He's so great. He reminds me of a certain someone who wore rose-colored glasses when I met her. I think being intimate with someone would do him a lot of good, but then again, he's pretty damn good already. I enjoy the fact that Sm liked him and that he liked Sm.
To go back to the party: P spent most of the night talking to other people. I half expected that to happen, so I wasn't surprised or bothered by it at all. He would come by once in a while check up on me and Jrdn and give me kisses. Being in that situation really made me understand what it is he's getting into. He's going to be a filmmaker. They talk to people, talk about their projects, learn from those around them, get excited about ideas, and create buzz for their films. He's fucking good at these things. It's amazing how he thrives on the energy of his film. He's the kind of person who wants to create hype about his film. It's something that I could never do (I mean, I can barely tolerate the imaginary pressure I put on myself -- real pressure? Pff!) and I'm totally amazed by it. I felt a quiet pride about being his girl.
One thing I worry about a little bit is about people placing me as this authority on him and his work. Like people asking me what I think about his film, expecting I've seen and analysed and loved everything. The truth is, I've seen some of his films, I haven't seen the latest one in its entirety, and to be perfectly honest his film are excellent, but they are more classical than films I usually watch, so I don't feel like I'm the right person to judge them.
At the end of the night, I was pleasantly surprised that he was coming to my house, since I thought he would go home again to finish his film. The original plan was to go for one hour and then head home to our respective homework, but four hours later it was 3 am and those plans went out the window. On the walk home he said, "hey i'm sorry if you felt like.. you know I was talking to people a lot" (or something to that effect) and I was like, "Noooo, please. I know you gotta do what you gotta do and besides I had fun with Jrdn, so it's all cool." I really appreciated the fact that he brought it up, and sort of understood that it could have been an uncomfortable situation for me, and I told him Jrdn's presence helped me avoid that.
Anyway, I feel like going to New Orleans with him, but I don't think I'll be able to (work, money, etc).
I'm really starting to get into necklaces. I don't have any, but I'm open to accepting them into my life. Especially cool sciency ones like these:
School is almost over. It can't happen soon enough.
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