Got back from spending the weekend at P's parent's place. His family is amazing. His parents are so wonderful, warm, funny and in love. They're quite inspiring, which makes me insecure about my family upbringing. I talked about this with Al last night, and she made me understand that sharing my past with P is more about trust than anything else. She said he is likely to feel better about me sharing it with him, than judgemental about what I tell him. This morning I really feel like she's right.
I'm feeling very calm today (and most days) even though I've got two papers due in the next week and a half. I feel disappointed that I didn't try hard enough during the school year, but I feel optimistic about all the learning I will do on my own this summer. P is very inspiring that way, he's always reading about film.
I'm still having these grad school debates. To be interdisciplinary, or not to be interdisciplinary? I feel deadlines looming and I worry I will just let everything drop and end up going somewhere I'm not super excited about. Although.. I must admit I'm pretty sure I would be happy being a regular librarian, helping people research things, helping to find cinema books for the library. As long as I can occasionally travel to New York.
I saw Jcqs the other day. He came to the house. It's hard to connect with him when there are other people around, so I didn't make any progress in that way. But it made me realize I wasn't quite ready to see him.
I'm thinking a lot about New Brunswick. Somehow I feel desperate to go back there for a long period of time. I don't know if it's me wanting to escape the reality of graduating, or deciding what my future will be, or if it's the remnants of my Cuban 'in-the-big-picture-none-of-this-really-matters' attitude. Or maybe it's because I feel like going back and resolving some family issues.
"Homeward Bound. I wish I was homeward bound.. " Simon & Garfunkle are the best. I wish P and I would go to New York this summer. It would be so awesome to re-experience that with him.
Vncnt is leaving soon. I dropped by his place the other day with cupcakes. I miss how in sync we used to be, but I know this distance is not a bad thing. Another girl dropped by while I was there. I hoped she wasn't feeling the way I felt for him. I didn't feel awkward or panicked the way I used to when other girls were around.
It's funny what a little perspective will do.
No comments:
Post a Comment