We went to Vinyl for the CSA party. It was ok. I was wearing a black dress, and I felt alright. It was like a tv show for a few seconds. The moment when we went to the terrasse and my co-pilot lovingly said "You're so awkward.. just lean back." Not 1.5 seconds later, a reasonable looking young man says "Hi, how are you?" and a conversation was struck.
It's clear my interpretation of events as they happen is fucked. My automatic assumption is that the guy wants to pick up. At times I felt insulted that he wasn't focusing more attention on one of us. I felt like he had some weird plan in mind and that he was being greedy. But Vnss clarified that he wasn't hitting on us, he just wanted to talk. "Just wanted to talk" -- what an idea.. That idea flew totally over my head. After we went inside, he said 'nice to meet you girls' or something, and just left. No attempts, no nothing. Now that I think about it, that's an awesome thing to do. He wasn't expecting anything, neither was Vnss, neither of them were thinking about it like that.
Expectations. They ruin everything. It's the second time this week this has come up. Vncnt talked about expectations during my confession (ie. let's not have any) and someone seperated by 1 degree mentionned them in a g-chat.. Proposing to have fun now, and not expect anything.
I think there's some truth to this... but I'm having trouble applying it to my current situations. Although.. it should be natural. It even fits with my motto. I've been having real trouble remembering it lately... I don't have the same clarity I did at the end of the summer.
I'm working on it.
I feel like making a gigantic painting,
and sharing.
(Sandy Smith)
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