"This Is Not A Love Story"

Yesterday was the worse day since last year around this time. One of those days were you lose hope in the world and humanity.

We watched a documentary in my class called "Not A Love Story: A Film About Pornography" and it shook me like I've never been shaken before. It has almost nothing to do with pornography or the sex industry (I say almost because I admit, sometimes I find some sexually explicit imagery offensive). It had everything to do with feelings.

As the film started I thought, 'Oh a film on pornography - interesting', a third of the way through my thoughts changed to, 'women who are offended by porn are just insecure, and that's okay, but they should just be aware of their own insecurities and let others go about their business', but about halfway into the film, I was holding back sobs. It was hearing men talk about their feelings, hearing the ignorance of a magazine publisher, hearing Margaret Atwood's poem on women's issues (genital mutilation particularly) and realizing how women can internalize and perpetuate men's hatred towards them. I know the film is dated, I know it has its own ethical problems, I know documentary's potential to manipulate its audience, but my impression isn't about that.

It's about the fact that people's feelings and complexity are often dismissed by society (evidenced by our class discussion where most people laughed off the film's message). It's my worry that as a woman I'll always be held back, or that I'll always be trying to get ahead, it's a fear that i'll end up a single mother and that society will forget me. It's a fear of being 'irrational or too sensitive'.

I know things are different now, I know most (if not all) the men around me have been raised by strong women, but somehow I can't let go of the possibility that if we forget this past, it'll repeat itself. If people stop feeling things... then we're in trouble.