Jealous of Grace

I feel like i'm revisiting previous themes in this post. I've been feeling verrry out of sorts these last few days. Part of that is due to my bike having a flat, me trying to fix it to no avail (rusted wheel!) and needing to spend money to get it fixed. Being unable to fix it frustrates me, and not having a bike to get around with makes me feel weird and lost.

Another part of this is the resurgence of my jealousy, something I'm not proud of at all and ultimately only eats away at me inside. I know it's somehow related to my insecurity, but I have no idea how to begin tackling this beast.

I'm jealous of some people around me. I'm jealous of people who get recognition for things they do (or that they did with me). I'm disappointed that nothing I did this year got recognition.

I'm beating myself up even more for feeling all these things, which I shouldn't.. but somehow I can't help it.



I don't know what to do with myself.