What Are You Thinking About?

I'm thinking about mortality lately. My father's mother is dying and the whole thing is very surreal. My mother called me last night but I had forgotten my phone at work. When I checked my messages this morning she left me one asking me to call her back. The tone of her voice was very low, so I knew something was wrong. I called home and my stepdad told me my grandmother wasn't well. I called my mom at work and she gave me more details. She's in palliative care, which is were people go during their last days. They get the best nurses, the best care, the most comfortable beds and anything else that can ease their pain.

Pain. My mother passed along a message to me from my grandmother, she said 'ask her to say a prayer for me tonight, because children's prayers are stronger than adult prayers'. Something in me is praying for her pain to disappear. There's something in me that doesn't feel prepared for this at all. Even trying to gauge how close I was to her to measure how I will react to this is proving to be impossible. I know it's impossible to anticipate or control our reactions, but something in me is trying to plan or make sense of this situation.

I feel like I'm centered in all of this, that's why it's all a little bit confusing. So far I have been really calm and relaxed for the last few days. All I want to do is be there for them..

It's interesting how since I've made it my resolution to stop worrying, I stumble upon all the worry-related art/graphic stuff. Maybe the whole world has resolved to stop worrying..